Home

"I Am Free!"

I met Kay in 1965 when we were both 19 and students at the University of Washington. There was a Computer Dance where students would be paired up with their ideal date. At that time, a computer filled an entire room and the way that information was entered was by punched cards. Long before the dance, we filled out questionnaires about what we were looking for in a partner. The information had to be punched into cards, the cards fed in, and the computer would match us up with our ideal date. Kay and I met at the Computer Dance. Kay would tell the story and people would sigh about how romantic it was that we were matched up by computer. Then Kay would turn to me and I would add “But we were not matched.”

Here is the “rest of the story.” I first saw Kay at the time that we were both leaving the dance. She was in front of me as we headed out. She was so beautiful that I got the courage to ask her to dance. She turned around, looked at me, and to my surprise, said “Yes.” The part we don’t tell people was that Kay was tired and was leaving when I asked her to dance. She turned around to tell me “No” and when she saw me, she knew that I would be the most important person in her life. So Kay said “Yes,” instead of No, based on her psychic ability.

During the next twelve years, we dated, got married, and had two daughters. I graduated with an Engineering degree and worked at Puget Sound Naval Shipyard. Kay graduated with a degree in Education and taught grade school. We lived on 13 acres, in a big old farmhouse south of Kingston. In 1977, I was 32 years old and I remember thinking at the time that I pretty much had what I wanted in Life. I really had things figured out. I have a mental image of that time: I am standing in a beautiful green field surveying my kingdom. Everything is perfect. However, only a half step behind me is a cliff. I don’t know about it and without looking I will take a step backward and fall into the unknown. Here is how that happened.

Our new neighbors in the farm across the road, told Kay about a class in Seattle and urged her to take it. The class was called PSI and it was a personal development class by Tom Wilhite. I had never heard of him or the class. (Remember this was before we could search the web.) As I recall, the class cost $700 each, which for us was a lot of money. Kay could not really describe the class, but felt it would be good for us. It became an ongoing discussion but neither of us changed our mind. Kay went ahead and took the class, I didn’t. I don’t remember hearing about her experience until one warm night when we couldn’t sleep. I randomly asked about the class. Kay told me how it had opened up her psychic ability and she could not control it. It sounded like a nightmare. She could see auras, knew people’s thoughts, was flooded by visions, etc. It was like having a number of TVs tuned to different channels all going at onetime. All of this was a bunch of “Airy Fairy” stuff that I didn’t believe. I remember saying, “If anyone else told me that, I would say that they were crazy. But I know that you are not crazy and we have to figure out what to do.”

Later I learned that Kay had been psychic as a child. She would say something like “the blue man” because she saw blue in his aura. Her parents couldn’t see auras and would tell her that the man was not blue. So as a young child, Kay turned off her psychic ability.

The PSI class had not just turned it back on, it had opened Pandora’s box. Kay and I both tried to find help, but couldn’t. We were part of a conservative Christian Church and most of my friends were Engineers.

Besides the now crazy world, Kay had conscious memories of past lives. She absolutely did not want anyone to know that she was psychic because she now had memories of being tortured and killed for “doing this kind of stuff.”

We could not find any help, so I started praying. Then through an unbelievable set of coincidences - a story in itself - Kay and I ended up taking a meditation class in Puyallup. The class was taught by a woman from California. It was the first class she had taught in this area. Her name was June d’Estelle, and she was Carole Glenn’s mother. My only purpose in going to the class was to haul Kay out of there if they started messing with her mind. Instead, I became interested in mediation. More importantly, Kay gained control of her psychic ability.

I remember driving home from the first meditation class and in bewilderment asking Kay, “Why is all of this happening to us?” She said, “Well it is because of our children.” That made sense to me because we had two wonderful, amazing children. “And” Kay continued, “because of you. Someday you will be teaching this stuff.” I said the equivalent of “No Way.” Eight years later, when I started teaching, Kay was right there to remind me that she had told me so.

Our lives changed dramatically after that first class. We repeatedly took that class and others from June. Our close friends came from the classes and through June. Our lives became amazing.

Kay never seemed to use her psychic ability for her own benefit. I am not sure why. In many ways she had a difficult life and I have often thought that it would have been easier had she made different choices. In spite of living and working together for almost 60 years, I do not really know Kay. I never quite knew what she knew. However, what happens in Life is not as random as we might think. I say this not from reading it in a book, or hearing it from someone, I say it from experience.

In spite of knowing things, Kay would not lead me. She would confirm things, but I had to learn to find my own way.

For example, Kay was very clairvoyant. Which means that she had inner sight. I knew that was really amazing and tried to develop my inner sight. But I could not see anything. Finally, I realized that I could feel things. I had the inner sense of feeling. Using my knowledge of math, I begin to be able to identify what I call the Soul Vibration. With Kay’s help, I found that I could identify individual Soul Vibrations. These seem to be independent of time and space. So it is possible to identify someone in a previous life. That is, the time, place, and body are different, but the soul vibration remains the same.

The following story illustrates what I mean when I say that Kay would not lead me. When our family traveled to Europe in 1994, Kay and I arranged to travel alone in Wales for a few days. For two or three summers, she had spent a month at the University of Aberystwyth with a class from Olympic College. Kay asked me what I wanted to do in Wales, and I thought of three things:

1. Stay in the dormitory at the University of Aberystwyth.

2. Ride a cog railroad up a mountain.

3. Visit Strata Florida.

The first two were easy to explain. Kay had stayed in the dorm when she was there, and I have always loved railroads. But I had no idea of what Strata Florida was. I had just heard Kay say it and I liked the sound. We had a rental car so one morning we drove to Strata Florida. It was a beautiful sunny day. The grass was very green, and the sky was blue. It turns out that Strata Florida is the ruins of a Roman Catholic Abby. It was started in1201 and begin to be dismantled in 1539. The entry is a small building and in it is a museum. On one wall was a map of the Abby. I walked over to look at it and noticed that there was a cemetery. Suddenly, I got the strangest feeling. So I decided that I had better be sure to visit the cemetery. Once outside, I strolled around looking at everything. At one point, I remember seeing a small roof over a section of ceramic floor tiles. When I got closer and could see the pattern of the tiles, I felt that strange feeling again. That reminded me to go to the cemetery. As I remember, the cemetery was a raised area with some flat grave stones. They were so old that any writing had been worn off. Again I had that strange feeling. When I looked between two stones, I had the thought that my body from a previous life was buried there. So I focused on that area and I could feel my soul vibration. Kay was elsewhere so I brought her over to the graveyard. I told her to be prepared. Then I pointed out the spot between the stones and told her that my body from a previous life was buried there. She paused looking at the spot and said, “That was my impression when I was here before.” Then she walked away. I stayed there standing over my own grave, looking at the beautiful surroundings. Then I too walked away.

I want to point out that Kay did not say a thing until I told her. Then she confirmed it. She did not suggest going to Strata Florida. The whole time she said absolutely nothing to point me toward that conclusion.

When I tell this story, I usually don’t mention the Soul Vibration. Doing it makes the story unnecessarily long. However it was critical for me. I spent many years working with the Soul Vibration and developing it as a trusted tool. Sometime after returning from Europe, I went to the Whole Life Expo in San Francisco. One of the presenters talked about bones taking on and retaining vibrations. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I do remember thinking, “That explains why I felt my Soul Vibration in the cemetery at Strata Florida. It was the bones.”

Kay really helped me develop my intuition. Sometimes by questioning my decisions. More than once I her that I had decided to do something I couldn’t explain. She would ask, “Do you really want to do that?” I would think “Oh, oh, she knows something I don’t.” So I would spend time rechecking my intuition. If I kept coming up with the same answer, I would tell her, “Yes, I really want to do that.” And she would say, “OK.” I remember telling her the clues that seemed to be calling me to go to Nepal in search of a Buddhist Monastery, somewhere on the way to Mt. Everest. This was a big decision. It would be costly, take five weeks, and be one of the most difficult things that I had ever done. In fact, trekking alone at high altitude could prove deadly. I had no real evidence that the Monastery even existed, let alone where it was. After listening carefully to what I thought were clues calling me to go, Kay said, “And what is telling you not to go?” I thought about it and said, “Nothing. Except fear.” Shortly before this I had decided that I would not make decisions based on fear. So Kay not only helped me make the decision, but supported me on the journey. That trip changed my Life.

Kay was amazingly adapt at seeing auras. Of course, she kept most of what she saw to herself. It is said what will happen in the physical body appears first in the aura. I can remember on several occasions when I was coming down with a cold, I would be fighting it every way I could. When I would tell Kay, “I am going to be better tomorrow.” She would carefully look at my aura and say, “I wouldn’t count on that.” Usually she was right. However, once in a while she would say, “Looks like you are holding it off.” And indeed I would be the same and sometimes better the next day.

Kay read a number of books about the aura. Sometimes they did not agree with what she saw or knew. Finally she became so fed up that she wrote her own book. She printed it at home. Our friend, Louise Burgan started using it for her Comparative Religion classes at Butte College near Chico, California. A number of people found this book to be very helpful.

Kay saw much more than auras. We were attending a Community Church, and in the Fellowship hall after the service I remember seeing Ed having a cup of coffee. Only a few hours later I was at home and got a phone call. Ed had been working on his truck and the jack slipped, killing him. In shock, I turned to Kay and told her that he was dead. Kay said, “Oh, that explains why I saw all the angels around him at Church.” Kay did not seem nearly as upset as I was because she knew that Ed was OK. The song we sing, “Angel Band” was written in 1860 and describes this very well. Kay sang it as a reminder. The angels come to take us home.

Kay badly broke her arm when she and Carole Glenn were traveling in Israel. This was on September 9, 2009. They had just arrived, so Kay’s experience in Israel was an emergency visit to a hospital. When she got home, I had to drive Kay around for awhile and help her with everyday tasks. For the next 15 years I was her caregiver. This has been called the long goodbye and in many ways it was. I watched Kay go through pain and difficulties day after day. She was tough and kept going beyond what I ever expected. When I no longer could care for Kay at home, we moved her to Brookdale in Poulsbo. It is just down the road from our house. For Kay to adapt to living there, Brookdale asked that I not visit her for two weeks. I did not want to do this, but my intuition said that it was better. So I did. It not feel right. I was helping change Kay’s blood glucose monitor. Every three days I would go to Brookdale and help them by being just outside Kay’s room. I could hear her, but needed to stay out of sight. When the two weeks were up, I finally got to visit. When she saw me, her face lit up and she said, “I thought that I would never see you again.” That broke my heart. It still does. From then on, my goal was for someone from the family to visit her every day. Usually that was me, and we did that right up until she passed.

My biggest question is Why? I watched my wife increasingly lose the ability to do and remember things. She was one of the fastest readers in the World and one day I realized that she could no longer read. She could no longer speak in sentences. But she could still spell better than I could. And she could sing songs, remembering most of the words. But Why?

For me, the message that Jesus brought is that we do not die. We do not die!

Kay’s body died. But she has continued to communicate with me, members of our family, and friends. And these communications have been valuable and uplifting. And everyone of us is aware that she is happy! One of her first messages to me was the title of this talk. “I am Free!” Said with a great deal of happiness.

One of our daughters had a dream that I want to read to you:

I was playing a slot machine at the Casino and when I looked next to me, there was Mom. She was happy and said, “Now we can do things like this.” We walked off together talking and laughing like old times. We went to Martha and Mary like we were there to visit someone and Mom said, “We don’t have to do this anymore.” So we left and were outside laughing and having a wonderful time. She was so free, happy, and able to do everything. It was wonderful.

As wonderful and helpful as these messages are, I want to suggest that Kay wants to take us further, much further. Just before Kay died, she came to me in my daily meditation and helped me learn today’s meditation. In this way, I believe that she is helping us go further. While I am pleased to be able to share this talk with you, I am much more pleased to share this meditation.

First I want to give you some background. When I would visit Kay at Martha and Mary, I would ask her three things: First was to smile. (She had a really sweet smile.) Second was if she felt happy? She would say “Yes.” Third was did she feel good? She would say “Yes.” Then we would sing “Happy Kay is Here Again” to the tune of “Happy Days are Here Again.” At the end, Kay added “Yea!”

My question was “Why.” I believe that the answer is so I would be ready when our roles were reversed. I took time to visit Kay, when I could have been doing a thousand other things. It was painful and difficult. Now our roles are reversed. Kay can do so much and I am the one who is stuck. I was there for her, now she is here for me.

At the end of her emails, Kay had the following:

“ ... go in Beauty, Peace be with you 'Til we meet in our hearts in the light.” That is what we are are going to do.

Meditation: Together we can do so much more. As an example, consider lifting a box that is too heavy for you. You gather friends around close enough that they can lift the box.

Three deep breaths.

Ring the bell. The sound helps us open up to other dimensions.

“op up out of body consciousness.”1, 2, 3

“op up out of time.”1, 2, 3

Open to our essence. For me, it is ecstatic energy. Like ecstatic Joy.

Guides and ancestors may guide us to where we only continue as Light.

My guide is June d’Estelle.

Meet Kay. Sense her presence.

You do not have to have known her in Life to sense her presence.

When ready: Sing Happy Kay is here again ...

Return to Past Events